FISSIONMAILED: That better be paint and not what I think it is.

[volginswaifu]

[Ivan was relaxing in one of the outdoor rooms. The sun shining, a cool breeze blowing through his hair. A stash of snackcakes by his side...


...and a sniper positioned on an adjacent cliffside several hundred feet away.]

Comments

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[FALLS.

Did you know the butt is a weakpoint? So is the crotch. It seems to have become too much for Ivan.

He's passed out, blue Zs floating around his head.]

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[VICTORY IS PIERRE'S.]

[With a wide grin, he stares at the prone form. He supposes he'll just camp here just to be more of an ass and wait for Raikoc to wake up.]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[Ivan wakes up after about 20 minutes. He groans as he gets onto his hands and knees, rubbing his head.

Bleary eyed he observed the scene in front of him, and the brown--what the hell was that on his pants?

Ivan sat back and poked at his crotch.]

Mud...?

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[HEADSHOT.]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[PASSES THE FUCK OUT...AGAIN.]

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[PIERRE FEELS AS IF HE IS KICKING A PUPPY.]

[ONLY FAR MORE FUN.]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[PIERRE ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR IVAN TO WAKE UP AGAIN?]

[PLEASE SAY NO.]

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[....]





[YES. YES HE IS.]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[YOU WALRUS DICK.]

[Ivan eventually stirs after about 6 minutes, rolling onto his back and holding his head.]

Ughh...

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[BEST, MOST AWESOME WALRUS DICK.]

[BAM!]

[Another shot!]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

AUUUGH!

[WHO WAS SHOOTING AT HIM?!]

[Ivan cowered behind a tree.]

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[Aww, Pierre can't shoot around a tree.]

[He waits for you to come out.]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[NEVER COMING OUT.

NEVER.

Until he needs to eat.]

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[That's okay.]

[PIERRE CAN STAY HERE FOR DAYS.]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[Well then, you do that. In the meantime Ivan's going to take out his binoculars and have a look around.

He's well aware it must be a sniper of some sort, since he hadn't even heard the gunshots.]

Hmm...

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[Do you know any other snipers, Raikoc? Really?]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[He forgot Pierre was a sniper, but his ignorance is a moot point, because he's spotted you, Pierre.]

...Pierre.

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

[He does it because he loves you!]

[Only not.]

[You're just really fun to mess with.]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[Ivan ducks back behind the tree, contemplating his situation. He quickly formulates a plan and turns back around, cupping his hands over his mouth like a megaphone.]

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

ONLY THE BIGGEST AND THE BEST!

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[He fumes, surveying his surroundings.

There had to be a way to get to Pierre without risking getting hit by his strange paint-flinging sniper rifle again.

Quickly he duck and rolls behind another nearby tree, a few feet ahead.]

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

GOOD LUCK GETTING UP HERE!

[Pierre chose this spot for a reason.]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

Rrrr...!

[PERSEVERANCE IS KEY--AND IVAN DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO GIVE UP.

He continues advancing towards the far away cliffs, ducking behind various foliage.]

[gameboy-sniper.livejournal.com]

I'M WAITING~!

[Pierre just going to shoot you every time you're not under cover now 'kay?]

[volginswaifu.livejournal.com]

[AND IVAN WILL JUST BE COVERED IN BROWN PAINT BY THE TIME HE GETS ANYWHERE NEAR THE CLIFF.

BUT NOW THE QUESTION IS...HOW TO SCALE IT.]